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We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery. Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery. Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.
- Others may prefer never to speak again or even wish you ill on the way out of the door.
- If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.
- We’ve filled you in on things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt.
- There may be situations where the damage caused by your active addiction is irreparable.
Before approaching Step 9, you need to complete the inventory in Step 8. This is a list of all of the people in your life whom you believe you have harmed. It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important. It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had. By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation.
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By getting her family involved and putting in the work, Kristin was able to make living amends with them before she ever made any direct amends. In fact, it was almost three years before she verbalized any direct amends. For Kristin, correcting her behaviors first was essential to becoming the woman she wanted to be in sobriety. Direct amends are not always possible or practical, but that doesn’t mean the individual is unable to demonstrate changed behavior. Volunteering for a worthwhile cause or supporting a charity can be a valuable way to make amends.
The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have living amends done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness. We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try).
What are “Living Amends?”
Living amends is a certain type of amends you make in addiction recovery. Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that. When you make living amends, you make genuine changes to support your emotional and physical sobriety.
As a sex addict, you may feel as though you will never get out from under the painful feelings of shame and remorse over your past behaviors. If remorse turns into toxic shame, you will struggle to maintain sobriety and may even allow your partner to abuse you. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.
Tips for Making Living Amends
Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?
- When a loved one is in recovery, they are working on their mind, body, and spiritual connection to themselves and others.
- While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends.
- Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal.
- For example, if you were driving under the influence, crashed your car, and injured your friend, your friend may have severed all ties with you and refuse to meet and relive the trauma.
- Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.